It's been eight months since I had to say goodbye the first time. What I realized now is that it's just as hard to say goodbye the second time as it is the first time. Honestly right now, my mind is at a loss. Yesterday, my family had to put my dog Chubs to sleep. As much as I don't want to write about his death, part of me feels like I need to. I'm not the type that likes to show or express these kinds of emotions in person and so writing is one of the only things I feel comfortable doing in which I can really let it all go. It's still hard for me to put into words everything that's been happening and everything that I've been feeling. My thoughts are racing and my heart is still skipping a beat because I can't help but miss my dog. I know that everything happens for a reason. I firmly believe that there a reason behind every action, behind every event, behind every emotion, feeling, thought. And I understand that he needed to go, he needed to be with our other dog Summer so that he could live a much happier life. But I couldn't help but be selfish and ask if I could just see him one last time. I didn't want him to go just yet. I wanted to be there. I wanted to see him. I wanted to let him know that I loved him. I wanted to thank him for being such an amazing dog. And at the same time, I wanted to say sorry. I wanted to apologize for leaving him at the wrong time. I wanted to say so much, but I felt powerless. I felt like destiny was against me and the world was turning away. Being in Berkeley and hearing what was happening back at home over the phone was one of the hardest things for me to deal with. If only I had that last chance...

To my dog Chubs, I love you with all my heart. You made me smile in the simplest ways and made me angry because of the most ridiculous things that you would do sometimes. I will never forget how you bit my hand because I took your little chewy snack and wanted to move it closer to you so that could eat it. After that, I was always scared of you in some way or another. I remember when I would always yell at you because you were so mean to Summer and Jedi. You would never share your food nor would you allow them to eat in peace so I would always have to stand between you guys as the mediator and yell at you to stay and eat your own food. I remember when I was little I would always want you to put your head on my lap and so you could fall asleep because you were really adorable when you were young. And then there was that time where I came back from school and we thought you ran away from us when you were just a baby, but it turned out that after looking everywhere for you, you were just sleeping in the plants in the back yard. And then I remember when you’d be so proud and act as if you were supposed to be treaty as royalty. Chubs, you have always been in my heart and you have always been a part of my family. I’m so thankful to have you share your life with us, but I sincerely want to let you know, that I love you with all my heart and I will never forget all the moments that we shared. We grew up together and whereas I am 18 and soon to be 19, you lived to be 91. Thank you for everything Chubs, thank you.

I will never forget you and the amazing things you have blessed me and my family with. I miss you, but I know you’re never far from my heart.