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| One month until Christmas.
One month ago and it was Halloween.
One month since I was in Long Beach.
One month since my accident happened.
One month since I found you and wanted you to be a part of my life.
One month since I ate this much legit food.
One month since I saw the Usual Long Beach kids.
One month until first semester of sophomore year ends.
One month until a new adventure begins.
One month.
Just One month.
A lot can happen in One month.
It feels like I have been away from Long Beach for months, but it also feels like some things don't change. To further support my point, today was Thanksgiving. A very memorable Thanksgiving in fact. We celebrated at the usual place in Bixby Country Club at my Grandparents house where we met up with a million of our relatives, had amazing food that covered the table, shared the best laughs and smiles here and there, and just absorbed that family environment that you miss when you're gone from it for eight of the twelve months. I'm back home and it never felt better.
However, being stuck in a house for a majority of the day really gets you thinking. I'm nineteen years old right now and I will be twenty in less than six months. In less than half a year, I'm entering the double digits beginning with a two. My little cousins are becoming teenagers and even the littlest ones in the family are already eight years old. My aunt is expecting another child and our family just keeps getting bigger. However, being away for so long, I feel like I miss out on so much. I don't remember growing up so fast, realizing that I have to find another job soon, that I have to pay for bills, that I have to continue schooling after college. The list just goes on and it never really stops. The kids are growing up. "Imagine when they start drinking. We're going to be OLD!" Haha. I think that was a scary thought for all of us. And to top it off, the little cousin who I drove for two years in high school, the one I took out with my friends because I wanted him to hangout with my crew, the one who always went out and got food with me because we were hungry like that, finally has his driver's license and finally has his own car. A very nice car in fact. It's his turn to be driving me around. But it's crazy. Your world goes spinning round and round, and faster and faster each day and you don't even notice it until it's already changed.
Man, what has this all come down to?
Just realize what you have in your life and what you don't and know that everything happens for a reason.
Thus, to continue on this Thanksgiving holiday catharsis, thank you to everyone out there. Thank you to those who have come and gone through my life and left a memory with me. I went through a lot to become the person I am today. I struggled with issues regarding the way I looked and the perceptions people had about me. I was unsure about which college or university I would end up at. I had to figure out what values and beliefs I held to be most important to me, and only to me, because choosing something or making decisions for others isn't the best approach. With all of your help, I was able to overcome these hindrances. I was able to learn, live, love, but most importantly, grow. We've all grown in some aspect of our lives. We've all grown with each other's help. It doesn't stop here. And so I'm asking you, to my friends and family, the one's I hold dear to me heart, will you continue to stick with me through thick and thin and "lift as you climb"? When one falls, we all fall, but we all rise together. It's true and I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you for never forgetting about me. Thank you for always giving me that second chance. Thank you for letting me reserve that tiny spot in your heart. Thank you for making that difference in my life. Thank you for being the difference I want to see in this world. Thank you for change and opportunity.
Yesterday and today were the perfect days to start off a great weekend at home. Best friends and family continue to surprise me. I like surprises.
Hey room mates, I never say this enough, but ya'll are the best. I enjoy every moment that we share together as brothers, as friends, as room mates. I never get tired of coming home to the apartment as long as one of you three are there. Ehh, it may be corny, it may be a little too "cute-sy" for you, but I can't thank you enough. Without you three to make STEP, I'd be having THE hardest time in Berkeley. I want you there every step away. Let's stay room mates, yeah?
Tonight was an amazing night. I wouldn't trade it for even the best sales during Black Friday. And if you haven't noticed, I'm not shopping on Friday. Stay safe everyone and I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. Be thankful for what you have and save your wishes for others who need them more.
I'm lucky. And I hope YOU know that. Yeah, I'm talking to you, jerk.
Peace, <3 and thanks.
Sincerely,
Eric Gerona Carnaje | | |
| ARIES - THE PLAYER
(3/21-4/19)
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed… Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing. VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.
This was stole from a friend's tumblr. Haha. It made me laugh. There's a lot of it in here that is true. I don't know why, but I couldn't help smiling? It's like one of those things where I needed to stop being modest and "tell myself I'm beautiful" kind of moments. Haha. Crazy.
Tonight was a good night. This weekend was pretty good in general. But there's still that one factor that scares the beans out of me. I will know in two weeks.
Dear God, I need you more than ever. Please be with me.
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| My days get less lonely with you there. If you didn't notice, the meteor shower last night was amazing, absolutely beautiful. And I'm glad we spent that time watching it together. It was totally worth freezing my toes off that night.
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| I hate it when I can't put what the "good feelings" into words. It's always a lot easier for me to capture my emotions that portray the negative and sad sides of my life. Ironically, that's not how I am in person. On the outside, I am the happy enthusiast that everybody knows me as. On the inside, I'm pretty much that same happy-go-lucky camper, but at the heart of the matter, some people don't realize that I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm shy, and I lose faith. But God gives me the reassurance to carry on no matter what "cracks" suddenly appear in our life, he gives me the strength and courage to press forward, and he sends my guardian angels to look after me.
Anyways, before I get into a lot of other things, I just wanted to put out there that I talked to my best friend today. I haven't talked to him in what felt like months and then I realized I hadn't seen him since September. What seemed like weeks turned into months, and what seemed like months felt like a year. I enjoy talking to him. Even though we always get into our arguments, our random inside jokes, and those "what the hell" moments, I always feel good about it. I'm just glad that distance doesn't get the best of us. This is what friendship is about. And I'm excited to go back down to So Cal. You better be there Kento-mon.
To end off my blog, the past couple of weekends have been my favorite so far. Things are really getting better. And I don't know why, but I do know that I'm grateful for it all. Things happen for a reason and I have a reason to be living this life right now. UC Berkeley is my home and it will always be a second home for me. It's because of this school that I feel comfortable to do almost anything and try almost everything. I don't get that same space when I go back to Long Beach. I get something close, but it's never the same. I'm tired of waiting, however. I just want me two homes to merge into one. But I know this takes time. I'm ready to wait, because I was given a second chance. Things will get better. They already are.
One last comment before this blog goes away until maybe next week. Whatever you're doing, it's working. I haven't smiled like this in what seemed to be a couple of months. And those little moments that we share together really light up my life. I always come back to my apartment with the biggest grin and the best feeling. I guess I have you to thank. Just don't give up on me yeah? Goodnight you.
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| My heads hurt. And I'm sleepy. But I got those butterflies in my stomach that I don't know how to explain. On a somewhat similar note, I had a good time today so I just wanted to say thank you. I hope you did too. It's a start. I'm usually a person of words, but it's all feeling right now, good feeling. Until next time.
Sincerely,
Eric Gerona Carnaje
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